get your blood pressure cuffs ready...

So part of my blog history started when I began documenting my pregnancy with Noah after my difficult and tragic pregnancy experience with our first son, Mason.

Mason was born 10 weeks early after I was diagnosed with a hypertensive illness (high blood pressure) known as preeclampsia.  This illness can be deadly for both mother and baby. Many people don't actually know anything about preeclampsia. I know I didn't. I am one of those women who likes to know what's going on when it comes to everything and I had NO clue about this deadly illness.

Anyways, you can read the rest of that story here...

Fast forward to 2013.  I have a wonderful 1 year old son and I am awaiting for my sister, Stephanie, to give birth to my precious niece, who is not due until the end of April.  I get a phone call in the middle of a Thursday (March 14...well over a month early) from my sister explaining that she is going to the hospital for an emergency c-section because of the SAME illness that I had 2.5 years earlier.  My wonderfully healthy and amazingly strong sister who does EVERYTHING right to a T has preeclampsia.

Thankfully, her doctors knew exactly what to watch for in her case.  Amazingly enough before she became pregnant she was tested and her doctors knew our family history so that she could proceed with caution.  That's how they were able to notice her high blood pressure and even more importantly her little baby's distress signals on the monitor.  This is important stuff, people!  Knowing what to look for and knowing to be proactive is the key!  I am so sad that the only way some of this knowledge is found is through trial and error, but I am so very thankful for my sister and her little girl, Clara Elise's life!

We are very excited to be participating in the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia for the second time since it is fundraising for something that catastrophically affected our family TWICE.

Please consider walking in your local Promise Walk or supporting someone who is walking!
Support the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

should be packing or even sleeping

but instead I am thinking and wanting to write out what's in my mind.

WARNING: This post has to do with my current emotional state.

looking inwards.

sometimes I still don't see it.  Someone I know from a support group just had her baby.  She went through something similar to what I went through with preeclampsia and a premature baby, but her little one survived.  It's a wonderful story.  She went on to have another baby and this pregnancy was completely different from the last.  She had a full term little one and didn't get sick.  Another absolutely wonderful story.  It's hard to believe sometimes that I am on the other side of the fence and that I have had a wonderful story.  I know I live it and breath it now that I interact with Noah every single day, but sometimes I just can't feel it.  Sometimes I feel like I am back in that place where I was sick and without a baby.  How horrible is that?  I have a gorgeous, precious and living baby right here with me and I am still doubting it all.

I don't get it...Is there something terribly wrong with me?  Why can't I feel as though we had a successful experience?  Will Mason's birth overshadow everything with a negative light?

Promise Walk 2012

Today we (Jonathan, Noah, Peter, Rachel, Will, Kaitlin and Dan) walked in the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia.  It felt so good to walk to support a cause that is so near and dear to my heart.  We walked in memory of my beloved son, Mason and so many mommies and babies that perished from enduring the very complicated and unpredictable condition that is preeclampsia. We also celebrated those who are survivors and are walking around here today.  I am amazed that I am actually one of those survivors.

On October 11, 2010, I could have died.  I still get freaked out just thinking about it and then it's even more strange and depressing to realize that our own baby actually experienced it.  This condition that I could do nothing to prevent and doctors could basically do nothing to fix overtook our lives and wreaked havoc.  But thankfully I am still here.

In all honesty, I really just wanted to express how blessed I feel to of made it through that extremely difficult and scary time in my life.  I am so glad that I am able to share my story with others and hopefully make a difference to someone whether it be to help them seek medical attention or for emotional support. I am so happy that we were able to conceive and carry to term our precious boy, Noah.  Today I feel blessed and gracious and sad all around, but mostly hopeful that there will someday  be an answer for this miserable condition that has affected so many wonderful people I know.

Until that day, I will keep spreading the word and keep walking.

Support the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

Many of you know that we lost our firstborn baby, Mason. Many of you know that I had him very early. Many of you may even know that I had a very serious hypertensive illness known as preeclampsia, which can be deadly for both mother and baby. What's sad is that many people don't actually know anything about preeclampsia. I know I didn't. I am one of those women who likes to know what's going on and I had NO clue.

After losing Mason, I poured over the internet looking for answers as to how I could have gotten sick and how I could have lost our precious son. The closest to an answer I got was from the Preeclampsia Foundation. This organization is doing all it can to help spread the word about this disease to both doctors and patients. Because of the support from this organization and other baby-loss parents on their forum helped us to become more informed about maternal healthcare which in the end helped us to feel more comfortable about trying for another baby.

We are very excited that we will be participating in the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia this year since it is fundraising for something that catastrophically affected our family.

Please consider walking in your local promise walk or supporting someone who is walking!
Support the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

30 weeks!!

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 30 weeks!!! I am so happy to have made it this far and still be healthy. 30 weeks has been a personal milestone for me because at 30 weeks 3 days I was horribly sick with preeclampsia and delivered our first baby, Mason. It feels so good to see this little man growing and thriving at this point in my pregnancy, especially after how difficult everything was last time around. Now I just want to make it another week... and keep going on from there.

He has made me glad!

An online forum acquaintance of mine just announced that she delivered her baby at 39 weeks without ANY complications after having a pregnancy very similar to mine in her past.  She delivered her last baby at 29 weeks because of preeclampsia and her baby died later from complications of prematurity.  This is just one of many success stories I have heard in the last few months and it makes my heart swell up with so much happiness.  It also gives me so much hope for what me and this little guy might have in store for us.

For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands

Psalm 92:4  

What is Preeclampsia?

Some of you may or may not know that in my pregnancy with Mason, I was forced to deliver almost 10 weeks early because I developed a disease known as preeclampsia.  Preeclampsia is a disorder that occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period.  Affecting at least 5-8% of all pregnancies, it is a rapidly progressive condition characterized by high blood pressure and the presence of protein in the urine. Swelling, sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision are important symptoms; however, some women with rapidly advancing disease report few symptoms.

I developed mild preeclampsia in my 24th week of pregnancy starting with symptoms of elevated blood pressure (140/90) and protein in urine.  By my 28th week of pregnancy my blood pressure was dangerously high (160/100) and I was extremely swollen in my face, legs and feet.  This swelling was different than typical pregnancy swelling.  I gained a ton of weight fast.  My largest weight gain was 11lbs in 5 days while I was on hospital bedrest.

There are a few misconceptions about preeclampsia.  The biggest one is that it is something you can prevent.  Sorry... it's not.  There are women who are more likely to develop this disease because of various life style choices, but for the most part, it doesn't really matter who you are or how healthy you are... it's all about genetics.  Somewhere in my make-up, I am predisposed to developing preeclampsia or some other cardiovascular disorder.  It's in me and that's it.  Doctors can try to work magic with various drugs and might be successful, but for the most part, it's just a guessing game as to whether or not or when I will get sick.  Now that's not to say that you should go food crazy or lazy in your pregnancy because it doesn't really matter... there are a whole mess of other problems that can occur from that sort of lifestyle and those can also have complicated and horrid results....

The best course of action is to take the best care of yourself and your unborn child as humanly possible.  Be active, eat healthy and seek quality medical care.  Have doctors who are knowledgeable and caring.  If your doctor won't discuss a concern with you, then he/she is probably someone you don't want caring for you.  You should be able to ask tons of questions and get tons of answers.  Feel free to visit two of three (or more in my case) doctors before settling down with someone you trust.  Create a plan together, be flexible and have reasonable expectations.

My goal of this post was not to frighten any of my pregnant followers or to send any other horrifying message, only to educate.  I did not really know anything about preeclampsia.  I knew that it could happen later on in pregnancy and most of the time it went away after birth.  I didn't know that it can be the cause of super premature births or that women and children have died from this disease.  To me, it was absolutely NO big deal and the furthest thought from my brain.  It wasn't until it completely wrecked my world that I realized the severity of this disease and the importance of speaking out about it.  The more you know, the more you can take better care of yourself or help others.  It's important... and I won't keep quiet about it because it's scary.  The world is scary, get used to it and try your hardest to prevent stuff like this from happening.  Being informed and prepared helps.


If you ever want more information on preeclampsia, you can always check out the website preeclampsia.org.  All of the research information is updated on a regular basis and it even has lists of doctors who specialize in preeclamptic and high risk pregnancies.